Have you ever had those days when everything went awry and your children? They don’t help! They make it even worse! I mean, they’re usually nice and loving. It seems like they do it on purpose!
Or perhaps you have already told them 20 times to do something, and they still only promise that they will do?
Oh, I understand you! At such moments, you just want to yell at everyone and everything! And you can even throw something at them to show that you are unable to take it any longer? Really? Of course, I exaggerate, but I think such thoughts came to our minds more than once.
But will it help? Or just ruin the relationship? If I allow myself to react too emotionally, very soon I get a sense of guilt because I know it’s not the right thing to do. And then it is even more difficult to establish relations. And every time I promise myself that I will react more intelligently. But how? I made a list of tips for myself and try to remember it when it gets hot.
1. Stop and think. There should be time between the event and your reaction that can be used for thinking.
There is a great temptation to react immediately. But that’s what makes us different from children. We can control our emotions. It’s difficult but possible. I usually count up to 5 or to 10 in difficult cases.
2. Don't think of something that isn't there.
A familiar situation: you have already told your child to do homework 20 times, and he takes the phone? Your reaction – he ignores me, he will sit down and play games or will spend time in social media. You start to get angry and then… It turns out that he just wanted to see what was his homework or to find some information for the lesson.
It’s always hard for me not to think of things that aren’t there. But the conflict can be avoided if you just ask in such a situation why the child took his phone, cannot it?
3. Think: why you react like that? Don't you overreact because of something else?
Did you have a fight with your husband? Do you have any problems at work? Or maybe something upsets you? But you can not change that situation, and you are angry with the child.
4. Let your children make mistakes
Every mother wants her children to be successful and tries to help them. And often we think we know better how to do something.
The child is going to the street. She wants to wear something beautiful, but absolutely not practical. That’s what my daughter does. She loves dresses and skirts. And then they climb on the slide or dig something in the sand. The problem is not because of dirty clothes. The problem begins when a hole appears in her favourite dress. I often tell her to dress according to the weather and to the place we go to. But she doesn’t. I allow it. Because after losing her favourite dress, the next time she thinks about how to dress.
We can’t keep our kids out of trouble. Even when you really want to. Because they won’t learn anything.
5. Try to put yourself in the place of the child
The child does not listen or behaves badly. We begin to scold her, to shout, or even to punish. Is it right? Remember when you were yelled at. Perhaps your boss at work? Anyone at the store? How did you feel at that moment? And how does your child feel?
6. When it is possible, don’t notice small problems and allow a little more.
I am often tired or too busy. And when my kids ask questions or ask to give them something at this point, my first reaction is to say “no”. “No” for everything. It’s easier not to think “can I allow or not”. In fact, I realized that this is just making our lives harder. Children are upset or will ask about it thousand times more. And when we allow – children are happy, busy with something and do not touch us. Of course, you need limits! I am not talking about allowing children to play computer games all day long or eat tones of sweets, because I want them not to disturb me at that moment. But, for example, allow to go to visit a friend or paint – why not? Yes, we will still wash the room of paints, but it’s worth it!
7. Think: do you want to be always right or do you want your child to be happy?
The last rule is the most important and the most difficult for me at the same time. Where to find that balance to help the child and not to break her will at the same time? How to build a good relationship so that children can always trust us? Sometimes it’s worth giving up something, or letting them have a little more freedom sometimes – try it! And you will see that nothing bad happens! Trust your children! You brought them up! You’d be surprised how gorgeous they are!
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