People often say that love lives for three years. Somebody believes in it, someone denies it, someone explores.
I am sure that every relationship is individual and unique. No wonder they need two unique personalities.
Sometimes, looking back at your own past, you involuntarily think: “would I react the same way now?”
We all change a lot with age, whether we like it or not. And it is not good or bad, it is natural, as well as the change of seasons. In many ways, we are becoming more tolerant. Sometimes, on the contrary, more categorical. We learn to better understand our own needs and boundaries. We increasingly notice cause-and-effect relationships. We learn to draw the right conclusions and sometimes it may seem that we can look into the future.
When, after analyzing all the available information, you start a new relationship, the last thing you want to think about is the end. And, fortunately, not all relationships will come to it. But sooner or later, this fire that makes us tiptoe and show our best side will begin to fade. And this is also natural, otherwise, we will face emotional burnout very quickly.
In general, even the cave people realized that the fire can be not only a friend but also a huge threat for the inept use.
Perceive your partner completely.
Let’s start from the beginning. Every day we discover new things in our chosen ones. On one hand, this is a new fuel for our relations, on the other hand, some firewood is too large for a small hearth, and in the end, it can put the fire out. Here everything is quite easy. To maintain the fire you need to perceive the person completely, realizing that we may not like everything in him or her and that preference and love are not the same things.
One of the best tips about starting a relationship that I met sounds like this: select in a person everything that you do not like and multiply by 10. If you agree to put up with all this every day, you are lucky to find the right person for you. If not, it is better not to waste your or someone else’s time.
Write down what you loved in that person.
It helps when you have been together for a long time. It seems you know each other inside and out and you have nothing to be surprised with. Even if you do not fight (pretend as if it can be), sometimes there are moments when you start to think: Did I live worse without him/ her? What makes him/her so special?
Memory sometimes can play a bad joke with us. And here a diary or just a short note can change everything. They’re like those matches we always have on hand. Re-reading, you can feel the same feelings and emotions again that lifted you above the sky. And you will have the strength to love again in spite of everything.
Surprise yourself and your partner.
No matter how long you two have been together, you can still surprise each other. It can be a new hobby for two or just a picnic after a working day. Spontaneous trip to another city or camping. Or just make your own card for a loved one. You’d be surprised at how creative you are.
For big and small things. For an open tin can. For the reason that he/she trusts you. For bringing you a glass of water. For caring, for tenderness, for understanding. All these things make up our lives and everyone wants to feel valuable. Let your partner know that you appreciate even the little things that he/she does for you. You’ll like it! It will help you to understand that there is a magical person nearby.
And finally, do not put your relationship expiration dates.
Very often, society imposes time limits on all of us. You have 10 years for school, 5 years for higher education, you must be married till you are 30, give birth to 40 and die after 70.
Deviations from these “norms” can cause migraines for many more people than you imagine.
Each of us is unique and grows at our own pace. You don’t have to “outgrow” some relationships just because someone thinks you’re not growing in them.
After all, only you and your partner know exactly how different you were yesterday and how much different you are from those people who started this way.
There are just the two of you in your relationship, don’t let each other freeze. The world is cold enough around us, so do not ignore the warmth of those who are close to you.
Need more information? Check our other posts about the relationships or try this book “The Love Fix: Repair and Restore Your Relationship Right Now” by Dr. Tara Fields
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